Thursday, January 31, 2013

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wednesday, January 30th, 2013

 Golden Oldie

    A telephone pole never hit an automobile.....
           except in self-defense.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013


           Everybody wants to go to heaven,
                but nobody wants to die.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Monday January 28th, 2013

The special today is a non dairy, gluten free, non
         artificial, non fructose drink - called water.

                                 Bottomliners by
                                 Eric and Bill Teitelbaum
                                 Submitted by Butch Kemper

Friday, January 25, 2013

Friday, January 25th, 2013

Golden Oldie

                 If at first you don't succeed....
                    so much for sky diving.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thursday, January 24th, 2013

Golden Oldie

       Surly grammarians insist that all
       words ending in "ly" are adverbs.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Golden Oldie

             Teamwork is essential....
             it allows you to blame someone else.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

January 22nd, 2013

Golden Oldie

           The user who pays the least complains the most.

            I am expecting an AMEN from my long time office mate.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Friday, January 18th, 2013

Golden Oldie

      The difference between the first day of spring
      and the first spring day can be several weeks.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Golden Oldie

    Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes,
    et liberaler educatus et nimim propinquus ades!

    [translation: If you can read this bumper sticker,
    you are both very well educated and much too close!]

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

  If you want it real bad, that's the way you get it, real bad.

                    -Col Lafield

Monday, January 14, 2013

Monday, January 14th, 2013

Golden Oldie

         Keep you Eye on the Ball,
         Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
         Your Nose to the Grindstone,
         Your Feet on the Ground,
         Your Head on your Shoulders.
         Now ... try to get something DONE in that position!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Friday, January 11th, 2013

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this: How do
non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English?

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the
top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do
we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP
and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to
the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP
the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the
old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an
appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because
it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at
night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the
word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it
takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about
thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the
many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time,
but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When
the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains,
it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for a while,
things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time
is UP, so ... Time to shut UP!

      -Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
       via Good Clean Funnies List 7/9/2009

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
to cringe.

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Tuesday, January 8th, 2013

Golden Oldie

   It is wise to remember that you are one of those
   who can be fooled some of the time.

                  -Laurence J. Peter
                   DailyInbox: PAX Proverbs Plus

Monday, January 7, 2013

Monday, January 7th, 2013

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
                -- Steven Wright

Friday, January 4, 2013

Friday, January 4th, 2013

You can tell more about a person
     by what he say about others
     than you cn by what others say about him.

                     -Leo Aikman
                      Bits & Pieces
                      July 2009

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It
isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
                -- Oxford University Press, Edpress News