Golden Oldie
Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions
and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it
hard to believe there is no paperwork involved
when your house lands on a witch.?
-Dave James
From the Good Clean
Funnies List
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
*
Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves
to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way
to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the
cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in
fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a
lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of
the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves
to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way
to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the
cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in
fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a
lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of
the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
*
The most exciting phrase to hear in science,
the one that heralds new discoveries,
is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-Isaac Asimov
The most exciting phrase to hear in science,
the one that heralds new discoveries,
is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-Isaac Asimov
Monday, October 28, 2013
Monday, October 28th, 2013
*
When I was crossing the border into Canada,
they asked if I had any firearms with me.
I said, `Well, what do you need?'
-Steven Wright
When I was crossing the border into Canada,
they asked if I had any firearms with me.
I said, `Well, what do you need?'
-Steven Wright
Friday, October 25, 2013
Friday, October 25th, 2013
If you say 'gullible' slowly,
it sounds like 'oranges'.
-True Fact (As published in
_The American Journal of
m Applied T-Shirt Knowledge_
and reported by
Herr Kemper)
it sounds like 'oranges'.
-True Fact (As published in
_The American Journal of
m Applied T-Shirt Knowledge_
and reported by
Herr Kemper)
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Thursday, October 24th, 2013
Golden Oldie
There is no satisfactory substitute for brains,
but in some cases silence does pretty well.
-Newsletter, Rotary Club Albuquerque Del Norte
(No other attribution given.)
There is no satisfactory substitute for brains,
but in some cases silence does pretty well.
-Newsletter, Rotary Club Albuquerque Del Norte
(No other attribution given.)
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Wednesday, October 16th, 2013
A learned County Court judge in a book of memoirs recently
said that the overwhelming amount of his time on the bench
was taken up "with people who are persuaded by persons whom
they do not know to enter into contracts that they do not
understand to purchase goods that they do not want with
money that they have not got."
-Lord Greene
said that the overwhelming amount of his time on the bench
was taken up "with people who are persuaded by persons whom
they do not know to enter into contracts that they do not
understand to purchase goods that they do not want with
money that they have not got."
-Lord Greene
Wednesday, October 16th, 2013
A learned County Court judge in a book of memoirs recently
said that the overwhelming amount of his time on the bench
was taken up "with people who are persuaded by persons whom
they do not know to enter into contracts that they do not
understand to purchase goods that they do not want with
money that they have not got."
-Lord Greene
said that the overwhelming amount of his time on the bench
was taken up "with people who are persuaded by persons whom
they do not know to enter into contracts that they do not
understand to purchase goods that they do not want with
money that they have not got."
-Lord Greene
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Tuesday, October 15th, 2013
*
The problem with any unwritten law is that
you don't know where to go to erase it.
-Glaser and Way
The problem with any unwritten law is that
you don't know where to go to erase it.
-Glaser and Way
Monday, October 14, 2013
Monday, October 14th, 2013
Golden Oldie
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may
look back and realize they were the big things.
-Robert Brault
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may
look back and realize they were the big things.
-Robert Brault
Friday, October 11, 2013
Friday, October 11th, 2013
Golden Oldie
First published tftd 11/04/88
It's not my job
To run the train
The whistle I can't blow
It's not my job
To say how far
The train's allowed to go
It's not my place
To shoot off steam
Nor even clang the bell
But let the train once
Jump the track....
Then see who catches hell.
-On the wall of the Stationmaster's Office,
Grand Central Terminal
(Also seen in Korea circa 1965 at
an especially appropriate moment during
the annual joint exercise which is
taking place again this year at this time.)
First published tftd 11/04/88
It's not my job
To run the train
The whistle I can't blow
It's not my job
To say how far
The train's allowed to go
It's not my place
To shoot off steam
Nor even clang the bell
But let the train once
Jump the track....
Then see who catches hell.
-On the wall of the Stationmaster's Office,
Grand Central Terminal
(Also seen in Korea circa 1965 at
an especially appropriate moment during
the annual joint exercise which is
taking place again this year at this time.)
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Wednesday, October 9th, 2013
Golden Oldie
It is amazing how long it takes to
complete something you are not working on.
-From Top Ten Aphorisms of 85-86
It is amazing how long it takes to
complete something you are not working on.
-From Top Ten Aphorisms of 85-86
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Tuesday, October 8th, 2013
*
Misery no longer loves company.
Nowadays it insists on it.
-Russell Baker
Misery no longer loves company.
Nowadays it insists on it.
-Russell Baker
Tuesday, October 8th, 2013
*
Misery no longer loves company.
Nowadays it insists on it.
-Russell Baker
Misery no longer loves company.
Nowadays it insists on it.
-Russell Baker
Monday, October 7, 2013
Monday, October 7th, 2013
Golden Oldie
Despite inflation, a penny for some
people's thoughts is still a fair price.
-Zingers
Despite inflation, a penny for some
people's thoughts is still a fair price.
-Zingers
Monday, October 7th, 2013
Golden Oldie
Despite inflation, a penny for some
people's thoughts is still a fair price.
-Zingers
Despite inflation, a penny for some
people's thoughts is still a fair price.
-Zingers
Friday, October 4, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
I know someone that lost 50 pounds....
Unfortunately he was in England at the time.
-Probably said by one of the
late night comics
Unfortunately he was in England at the time.
-Probably said by one of the
late night comics
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
Golden Oldie
The dime isn't entirely worthless;
it makes a fairly good screwdriver
when you need it.
-Zingers
The dime isn't entirely worthless;
it makes a fairly good screwdriver
when you need it.
-Zingers
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
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