Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

*
Double-Blind Experiment, n.:
        An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied by a
belief in the tooth fairy.

Monday, December 21st, 2015

You don't drown by falling in the water;
         you drown by staying there.
                      (Edwin Louis Cole)


                   -From the "Good Quotes" File of
                    someone who wishes to remain
                    anonymous

Friday, December 18th, 2015

   *

          A child of five could understand this!
           Fetch me a child of five.

        (This sounds like something Groucho would say. tftd)

Thursday, December 17th, 2015

 Random Thoughts as We Age
                    Good Clean Funnies List (GCFL)


          And, of course. Have I sent this to you already.
          or did you send this to me?

Wednesday, December 16th, 2015

We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence then,
      is not an act, but a habit. (Aristotle)


                   -From the "Good Quotes" File of
                    someone who wishes to remain
                    anonymous

Tuesday, December 15th, 2015

 *
"If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
attitude.  If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to playing the game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win --
unless, of course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?"
                -- Sparky Anderson

Monday, December 14th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age
                    Good Clean Funnies List (GCFL)



       Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ...
       that makes it a plant which means ...
               chocolate is salad!!!

Friday, December 11th, 2015

 *
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as
to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the
speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.

Thursday, December 10th, 2015

 *
Join the march to save individuality!

Wednesday, December 9th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age
                    Good Clean Funnies List (GCFL)




         At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came there for.

Tuesday, December 8th, 2015

*
THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
        The one who has the gold makes the rules.

Monday, December 7th, 2015

*



        Tact is the ability to tell a man
        he has an open mind when he has a
        hole in his head.

Friday, December 4th, 2015

*
The best cure for insomnia is to get a  lot of sleep.
                -- W. C. Fields

Thursday, December 3rd, 2015

NCIS Gibbs' Rules


            Rule #13: Never, ever involve a lawyer

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age
                    Good Clean Funnies List (GCFL)



           Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?

Tuesday, December 1st, 2015

*
Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.

Monday, November 30th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age



                     Of course I talk to myself,
                     sometimes I need expert advice.



                         -Good Clean Funnies List

Friday, November 27th, 2015

 I find that the harder I work,
        the more luck I seem to have.

                -(Thomas Jefferson)

       (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

You can either take action or,
           or you can hang back and hope for
           a miracle.  Miracles are great,
           but they are so unpredictable.

                         -(Peter Drucker)

       (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Tuesday, November 24th, 2015

  NCIS Gibbs' Rules

           Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away.

Monday, November 23rd, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age


         Why do I have to press one for English
         when you're just gonna transfer me to
         someone I can't understand anyway?

                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Friday, November 20th, 2015

*
"It's a summons."
"What's a summons?"
"It means summon's in trouble."
                -- Rocky and Bullwinkle

Thursday, November 19th, 2015

Do you know how important now is?
     Enjoy it as much as you can,  because
     no matter how much you want to hold
     on to 'now'. it's going to be 'was'.

                     (Sid Caesar)

 (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Wednesday, November 18th, 2015

Leadership is the combination of two things:
          character and competence.  Character is the
          more important

                  -GEN H. Norman Schwartzkopf
          (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Tuesday, November 17th, 2015

*



                  "When you are in it up to your ears,
                   keep your mouth shut."

Monday, November 16th, 2015

 *
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"
                -- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

Friday, November 13th, 2015

 *
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.

Thursday, November 12th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

         I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.
         Not sure what I'll do that second week.


                    -Good Clean Funnies List

Wednesday, November 11th, 2015

The maximum effective range
       of an excuse is zero.



          (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous

Tuesday, November 10th, 2015

 Being Politically Correct means
                  always having to say you're sorry.

                              -Charles Osgood

          (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous)

Monday, November 9th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

         The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than "please".
         I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".


                    -Good Clean Funnies List

Friday, November 6th, 2015

  *
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.

Thursday, November 5th, 2015

 *
Bore, n.:
        A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Wednesday, November 4th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

         If God wanted me to touch my toes,
         he would've put them on my knees.


                    -Good Clean Funnies List

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015

Hope is not a method.

              -GEN Gordon R. Sullivan

         (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous)

Monday, November 2nd, 2015

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes.
       Some of you may have the opportunity to learn a lot today!

          (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Friday, October 30th, 2015

  *


    Blore's Razor:

        Given a choice between two theories,
        take the one which is funnier.

Thursday, October 29th, 2015

 Random Thoughts as We Age

   Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a
   restraining order is just a piece of paper.



                    -Good Clean Funnies List

Wednesday, October 28th, 2015

 *



                   The more things change,
                   the more they stay insane.

Tuesday, October 27th, 2015

Golden Oldie




          STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS!?

                              So...chocolate cancels stress!



                              -Sig File of Denise Gantt

Monday, October 26th, 2015

*
Cabbage, n.:
        A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
a man's head.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Friday, October 23rd, 2015

  *
"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".

Thursday, October 22nd, 2015

 Random Thoughts as We Age



          I don't have grey hair.
          I have "wisdom highights" ...
          I'm just very wise.


                    -Good Clean Funnies List

Wednesday, October 21st, 2015

*
The Fifth Rule:
        You have taken yourself too seriously.

Tuesday, October 20th, 2015

 *
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly
greater than that of any other animals.  Some of their most esteemed
inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner
party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
                -- H. L. Mencken

Monday, October 19th, 2015

 Random Thoughts as We Age


         I don't trip over things....
               I do random gravity checks.Xy



                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Friday, October 16th, 2015

  NCIS: Gibbs' Rules

        Rule 2: "Always wear gloves at a crime scene."

Thursday, October 15th, 2015

Golden Oldie


       You can always tell when people are well informed-
       Their opinions are the same  as yours.

Wednesday, October 14th, 2015

    *
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."

Tuesday, October 13th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

           Lord grant me the strength to accept
               the things I cannot change,
           the courage
               to change the things I can,
           and the friends to post my bail
               when I finally snap.

                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Monday, October 12th, 2015

Golden Oldie





      It it's a penny for your thoughts and you
      put in your two cents worth, then
      someone, somewhere is making a penny.

                      -Stephen Wright

Friday, October 9th, 2015

  Indecision is the key to flexability.

Thursday, October 8th, 2015

 *
Beware of low-flying butterflies.

Wednesday, October 7th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

           Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
           We haven't met yet.


                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

 *
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.  Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.

Monday, October 5th, 2015

Golden Oldie


      It is not every question that deserves an answer.

Friday, October 2nd, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age


           Old age is coming at a really bad time.


                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Thursday, October 1st, 2015

  Golden Oldie



          Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

Wednesday, September 30th, 2015

  If they pay you for it,
                  it's not that stupid.



             (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Tuesday, September 29th, 2015

*



           "The sooner you fall behind,
            the more time you'll have to catch up!"

Friday, September 25th, 2015

  *
All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.
                -- Jim Fiebig

Thursday, September 24th, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

        I don't need anger management.
        I need people to stop making me mad.


                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2015

When you run out of time, talk fast!



             (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015

The  used key is always bright.

                  Englich Proverb


             (From the one who wishes to remain anonymous.)

Monday, September 21st, 2015

Random Thoughts as We Age

     Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for
     ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Friday, September 18th, 2015

 *



      Misery no longer loves company.
      Nowadays it insists on it.

              -Russell Baker

Thursday, September 17th, 2015

Golden Oldie




      The Golden Rule of friendship is to listen to others
      as you would have them listen to you.


                          -David Augsburger

Wednesday, September 16th, 2015

Golden Oldie




     If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you
     won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

                            -Ed Howe

Tuesday, September 15th, 2015

*



      Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
       is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

                        -Phyllis Diller

Monday, September 14th, 2015

Golden Oldie

--Travel arrangements--:  whenever possible, avoid airlines which
       have anyone's first name in their titles, like Bob's
       International Airline or Air Fred.

Friday, September 11th, 2015

 Random Thoughts as We Age

          The biggest lie I tell myself is ...
          I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.


                   -Good Clean Funnies List

Thursday, September 10th, 2015

 Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
    We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must
    be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.

                                    -Ronald Reagan
                                     Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

If you don't have a Plan B,
            you don't have a plan.

                     -Adam Bryant
                      Bits and Pieces
                      (FTOWWTRA)

Tuesday, September 8th, 2015

 The greater the difficulty,         the greater the glory.                     -Cicero

                      (FTOWWTRA)

FYI

Just an FYI I will not be doing quotes for the summer. I will go back to doing them on Mon Aug 31st.

Friday, May 29th, 2015

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.

                                -Michael John Bobak
                                 Bits and Pieces June 2014
                                 FTOWWTRA

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

Golden Oldie


              Too many of us are like wheelbarrows--
                  useful only when pushed and easily upset.

                                   -Anon

Tuesday, May 26th, 2015

As you walk down the great highway of life,
             ask yourself one question:
         Why don't you own a car?

                         -J
                          (FTOWWTRA)

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

Golden Oldie



        Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

                                     -Kin Hubbard

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

 A friend is one who knows you
                 and loves you just the same.

                            -Elbert Hubbard

Wednesday, May 20th, 2015

 Golden Oldie





     "I was commander of those ships for a week,"
                    Tom said fleetingly.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2015

A real good scare is
              often worth more than good advice.

                        (FTOWWTRA)

Monday, May 18th, 2015

I have a lifetime contract.  That means I can't be
   fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and
   moving the ball.

                 -Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach
                  Submitted by Dave Poprick

Friday, May 15th, 2015

Golden Oldie




                  Are you good at breaking codes?",
                     Tom asked cryptically.

Thursday, May 14th, 2015

  *
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
                -- Walt Disney

Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

 Golden Oldie



           Here's to your welcome, which was cordial....
               and to your cordial, which was welcome.

FYI

FYI - Starting June 1st until Sept 1st I will not be posting Quotes due to summer vacation.

Monday, May 11th, 2015

  Hindsight isn't 20/20 -
                It's at least 20/15 and may be 20/10


                                 -Submitted by
                                  Andy Funk

Friday, May 8th, 2015

Golden Oldie




                Horse sense is the thing a horse has
                that keeps it from betting on people.

Thursday, May 7th, 2015

*


         A lot of people are afraid of heights.
         Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.

                   -Steve Wright

Wednesday, May 6th, 2015

Golden Oldie



               The clock that is five minutes fast
               is seldom corrected at quitting time.

Tuesday, May 5th, 2015

Golden Oldie

     Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.

Monday, May 4th, 2015

*


        One way to make your old car run better
        is to look up the price of a new model.

Friday, May 1st, 2015

*


Hatred, n.:
        A sentiment appropriate to the occasion
        of another's superiority.

          -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Thursday, April 30th, 2015

When you run out of time, talk fast!
                TOWWTRA (The One WHO Wishes to remain Anonymous)

Wednesday, April 29th, 2015

  *
Anthony's Law of Force:
        Don't force it; get a larger hammer.

Tuesday, April 28th, 2015

 There is nothing worse
       than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept.
                     -Ansel Adams
                      Brainy Quotes

Monday, April 27th, 2015

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
                              -Goethe
                               (TOWWTRA)

Friday, April 24th, 2015

*
Afternoon, n.:
        That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

Thursday, April 23rd, 2015

    *
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
least until we've finished building it.

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2015

If you cannoat laugh at yourself.....
          make fun of other people.

                      (TOWWTRA)

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

*


      Tussman's Law:


        Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

Monday, April 20th, 2015

When two opposite points of view are expressed
               with equal intensity, the truth does not
               necessarily lie exactly halfway between them.
               It is possible for one side to be simply wrong.
                          -Richard Dawkins, biologist and
                           author (b. 1941)
                           A.W.A.D  Nov2012

Friday, April 17th, 2015

There are no rules for good photographs,
           there are only good photographs.
                        -Ansel Adams
                         Brainy Quotes

Thursday, April 16th, 2015

*


                     "The Computer made me do it."

Wednesday, April 15th, 2015

*
Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?

Tuesday, April 14th, 2015

*

     Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
     They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Monday, April 13th, 2015

*
Positive, adj.:
        Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Friday, April 10th, 2015

*
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
                -- Josh Billings

Thursday, April 9th, 2015

My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and
    mmake it hit you mouth, you can learn to play tennis.
    If you stick it on your foreheadd, your chances sren't as good.

                      -Vic Braden, Tennis Instructor
                       Submitted by David Poprik

    (Probably applies to handball also, unfortunity. -tftd)

Wednesday, April 8th, 2015

  *

               Measure with a micrometer.
               Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.

Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

*
"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
                -- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson

Monday, April 6th, 2015

There are always two people in every picture:
              the photographer and the viewer.
                            -Ansel Adams
                             Brainy Quotes

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

                           (TOWWTRA)

Thursday, April 2nd, 2015

When you reward the bad, you punish the good.
                                 (TOWWTRA)

Wednesday, April 1st, 2015

Bad news does not improve with age.
                 GEN Creighton Adams
                 (TOWWTRA)

Tuesday, March 31st, 2015

  *


     People who are funny and smart
     and return phone calls get much betterpress
     than people who are just funny and smart.

                -Howard Simons, "The Washington Post"

Monday, March 30th, 2015

There is nothing worse
       than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept.
                     -Ansel Adams
                      Brainy Quotes

Friday, March 27th, 2015

*
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
                -- Mickey Mouse

Thursday, March 26th, 2015

 Correction does much, but encouragement does more.

                              -Goethe
                               (TOWWTRA)

Wednesday, March 25th, 2015

*



                If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer,
                try multiplying by the page number.

Tuesday, March 24th, 2015

spel chekers , hoo neeeds em?
                        -Alan James Bean
                         (TOWWTRA)

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

*
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.

Friday, March 20th, 2015

 Golden Oldie

   Happy Birthday George!





        George Washington was first in war,
        first in peace -- and the first to have
        his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.

                         -Ashley Cooper


************
  By federal statute this day (3rd Monday in February) is designated as
  Washington's Birthday.  (His actual birthday is  February 22nd.)