Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014

Don't cry because it's over.
              Smile because it happened.
                       -Dr. Seuss
                        Brainy Quotes

Monday, December 22nd, 2014

  *


            The trouble with being punctual
            is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
                        -Franklin P. Jones

Thursday, December 19th, 2014

It had long since come to my attention that people
    of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things
    happen to them. They went out and happened to things.
                              -Leonardo da Vinci
                               Brainy Quotes
                               tftd is not sure of the acuracy
                               of the attributions of Brainy Quotes

Thursday, December 18th, 2014

*


    If you make people think they're thinking,
    they'll love you; but if you really make
    them think they'll hate you.

Wednesday, December 17th, 2014

  I never blame myself when I'm not hitting.
     I just blame the bat and if it keeps up,
     I change bats. After all, if I know it
     isn't my fault that I'm not hitting,
     how can I get mad at myself?

                   -Yogi Berra
                    Brainy Quotes

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014

The towels were so thick there
              I could hardly close my suitcase.

                             -Yogi Berra
                              Brainy Quptes

Monday, December 15th, 2014

  *
Nothing recedes like success.
                -- Walter Winchell

Friday, December 12th, 2014

*
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
                -- Alan Watts

Thursday, December 11th, 2014

  *
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
                -- LaRouchefoucauld

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

  *
Coincidences are spiritual puns.
                -- G. K. Chesterton

Monday, December 8th, 2014

  It was impossible to get a conversation going,
     everybody was talking too much.
                          -Yogi Berra

Friday, December 5th, 2014

*
Dare to be naive.
                -- R. Buckminster Fuller

Thursday, December 4th, 2014

 In theory there is no difference between
         theory and practice. In practice there is.
                          -Yogi Berra
                           Btsiny Quotes

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff.
    Most fails. Some works. You do more of
    what works. If it works big, others quickly
    copy it. Then you do something else.
    The trick is the doing something else.


                  -Leonardo da Vinci
                   Brainy Quotes

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014

  *
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
                -- Walt Disney

Monday, December 1st, 2014

*
Self Test for Paranoia:
        You know you have it when you can't
        think of anything that's your own fault.

Wednesday, November 26th, 2014

A well-spent day brings happy sleep.

                     -Leonardo da Vinci
                      Brainy Quptes

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

Equivocation is the first cousin to a lie.

                                       -Anon

Monday, November 24th, 2014

Golden Oldie



                     No one with a good catch of fish
                     goes home by way of the back alley.
                                          -Anon

Friday, November 21st, 2014

*
... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.

Thursday, November 20th, 2014

The risk of a wrong decision is preferable
               to the terror of indecision.
                             -Maimonides
                              Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, November 19th, 2014

*
Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
                -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.

Tuesday, November 18th, 2014

*





          One thing the inventors can't seem to get
          the bugs out of is fresh paint.

Monday, November 17th, 2014

*



               The intelligence of any discussion diminishes
               with the square of the number of participants.

                                     -Adam Walinsky

Friday, November 14th, 2014

*


      For every credibility gap,
      there is a gullibility fill.

                -R. Clopton

Thursday, November 13th, 2014

 In any moment of decision,
             the best thing you can do is the right thing,
             the next best thing is the wrong thing,
             and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

                              -Theodore Roosevelt
                               Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, November 12th, 2014

Golden Oldie



  The objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly
  analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their
  occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems when called upon.
  However, When you are up to your behind in alligators it is difficult to remind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

Tuesday, November 11th, 2014

My favorite text message
       "I will be there in 5 minutes,
       if not read again."

Monday, November 10th, 2014

*
Egotist, n.:
        A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Friday, November 7th, 2014

*
Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
                -- Mark Twain

Thursday, November 6th, 2014

  If you want breakfast in bed.
             Sleep in the kitchen.
                     -Submitted by Lexy
                      Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

*


      The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
      And littered with sloppy analysis!

Tuesday, November 4th, 2014

  *
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of
people.
                -- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"

Monday, November 3rd, 2014

If I'm driving you crazy-
            just remember to put on your seat belt.
                        -Submitted by Thomas
                         Brainy Quotes

Friday, October 31st, 2014

Golden Oldie
      Mencken and Nathan's
      Ninth Law of The Average American:
         The quality of a champagne is judged
         by the amount of noise the
         cork makes when it is popped.

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

*
    Pardo's First Postulate:
        Anything good in life is either
          illegal, immoral, or fattening.

    Arnold's Addendum:
        Everything else causes cancer in rats.

Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

Some are born great,
             some achieve greatness, and
             some have greatness thrust upon them.
                          -William Shakespeare
                           Brainy Quotes

Tuesday, October 28th, 2014

  *


          There's no real need to do housework --
          after four years it doesn't get any worse.

Friday, October 24th, 2014

*
Hatred, n.:
        A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
superiority.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

He who does not understand your silence
        will probably not understand your words.
                      -Elbert Hubbard
                       Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

Golden Oldie



   Sainthood emerges when you can listen to someone's tale of woe
       and not respond with a description of your own.
                             -Andrew V. Mason, M.D.

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014

   Power is like being a lady...
                   if you have to tell people you are,
                   you aren't.

                           -Margaret Thatcher
                            Brainy Quotes

Monday, October 20th, 2014

*
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
                -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

Friday, October 17th, 2014

  *
This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
                -- Hofstadter

Thursday, October 16th, 2014

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.
                                -Michael John Bobak
                                 Bits and Pieces June 2014
                                 FTOWWTRA

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

Golden Oldie



             You don't get harmony when
             everybody sings the same note.


                     -Doug Floyd
                      The (Other) Thought For The Day
                      December 1, 2004

Tuesday, October 14th, 2014

Golden Oldie
           It is better to deserve without receiving,
           than to receive without deserving.
                              -Robert Ingersoll (1833-1899)
                               Orator and lawyer
                               "Bits & Pieces"
                               November 2004

Monday, October 13th, 2014

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent
    we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

                              -George Washington
                               Brainy Quotes

Friday, October 10th, 2014

  A friend is one who knows you
                 and loves you just the same.

                            -Elbert Hubbard

Thursday, October 9th, 2014

  Remember that what you believe
               will depend very much on what you are.

                               -Noah Porter
                                Bits and Pieces June 2014
                                FTOWWTRA

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

*
The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014

                                                                      *
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
                -- O'Henry

Monday, October 6th, 2014

Responsibility is the price of freedom.
                                   -Elbert Hubbard
                                    Brainy Quotes

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

Those who deny freedom to others
             deserve it not for themselves.
                        -Abraham Lincoln
                         Brainy Quotes

Thursday, October 2nd, 2014

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
    We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must
    be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.
                                    -Ronald Reagan
                                     Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, October 1st, 2014

If you want total security, go to prison.
        There you're fed, clothed, given medical
        care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom.

                            -Dwight D. Eisenhower
                             Brainy Quotes

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

The first tftd on Friday was a quote by Marcel Marceau.

     America will never be destroyed from the outside.
     If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be
     because we destroyed ourselves.
                           -Abraham Lincoln
                            BrainyQuotes

Monday, September 29th, 2014

*




                Always borrow money from a pessimist;
                he doesn't expect to be paid back.

Friday, September 26th, 2014

Life is the sum of your choices.
                              -Albert Camus
                               Bits and Pieces June 2014
                               From the one who wishes to
                               remain anonymous. (FTOWWTRA)

Thursday, September 25th, 2014

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand,
      water is water. And east is east and west is west and
      if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce
      they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
      Now you tell me what you know.
                               -Groucho Marx
                                Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, September 24th, 2014

Golden Oldie



         Long computations which yield zero
         are probably all for naught.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014

The more sand that has escaped
      from the hourglass of our life, the
      clearer we should see through it.
           -Jean-Paul Sartre, writer
            and philosopher (1905-1980)
            A.W.A.D.  Feb2012
(However one must factor in failing eyesight. -tft)

Monday, September 22nd, 2014

*
     Weinberg's Principle:

        An expert is a person who avoids the small errors
        while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Friday, September 19th, 2014

*
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.

Thursday, September 18th, 2014

  *
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
independence.
                -- Charles A. Beard

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

It is difficult to free fools
                from the chains they revere.

                               -Voltaire
                                BrainyQuotes

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

Do not go where the path may lead,
      go instead where there is no path
      and leave a trail.

                -Ralph Waldo Emerson
                 BrainyQuotes

Monday, September 15th, 2014

Truth never damages
        a cause that is just.

           -Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
            (1869-1948)
            A.W.A.D. Nov2012

Friday, September 12th, 2014

When two opposite points of view are expressed
               with equal intensity, the truth does not
               necessarily lie exactly halfway between them.
               It is possible for one side to be simply wrong.
                          -Richard Dawkins, biologist and
                           author (b. 1941)
                           A.W.A.D  Nov2012

Thursday, September 11th, 2014

*


    Law of the Perversity of Nature:
        You cannot successfully determine beforehand
        which side of the bread to butter.

Wednesday, September 10th, 2014

 Employ your time in improving yourself by
             other men's writings, so that you shall
             gain easily what others have labored hard for.
                                  -Socrates
                                   Brainyquotes

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

  In our world of big names, curiously,
     our true heroes tend to be anonymous.
     In this life of illusion and quasi-illusion,
     the person of solid virtues who can be
     admired for something more substantial than
     his well-knownness often proves to be the
     unsung hero: the teacher, the nurse, the mother,
     the honest cop, the hard worker at lonely,
     underpaid, unglamorous, unpublicized jobs.


                 -Daniel J Boorstin, historian, professor,
                  attorney, and writer (1914-2004)
                  A.W.A.D Nov 2012

Monday, September 8th, 2014

Today you are you!
              That is truer than true!
              There is no one alive
              who is you-er than you!

                        -Dr. Seuss
                         Brainy Quotes

Friday, September 5th, 2014

If they can get you asking the wrong questions,
      they don't have to worry about the answers.

                        -Thomas Pynchon,
                         writer (b. 1937)
                         A.Word.A.Day
                         May 8, 2014

Thursday, September 4th, 2014

Love all,
                    trust a few,
                    do wrong to none.
                         -William Shakespeare,
                          _All's Well That Ends Well_
                          Brainy Quotes

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

*
Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

Knowledge is power and
              enthusiasm pulls the switch.

                         -Steve Droke
                          March Bits and Pieces
                          Contributed by someone
                          who used to want to
                          remain anonymous.
                          I am assuming he still does.

Monday, September 1st, 2014

Everyone has a burden.
             What counts is how you carry it.
                         -Merle Miller
                          March Bits and Pieces
                          Contributed by someone
                          who used to want to
                          remain anonymous.
                          I am assuming he still does.

Friday, August 29th, 2014

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
      courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
                          -Winston Churchill
                           Brainy Quotes

Thursday, August 28th, 2014

  *




                 When in doubt,
                 use brute force.
                    -Ken Thompson
****************
     Or in the words of the old IBM Customer Engineers,
     "use a 'forming machine'".
     (You and I call that  a hammer.)

Wednesday, August 27th, 2014

Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
      so that when you yell the name will carry.

                       -Bill Cosby
                        Brainy Quote

Tuesday, August 26th, 2014

    *


      Anarchy may not be the best form of government,
      but it's better than no government at all.

Monday, August 25th, 2014

Education is the ability to listen
             to almost anything without losing your
             temper or your self-confidence.
                          -Robert Frost
                           March Bits and Pieces
                           Contributed by someone
                           who used to want to remain
                           anonymous.
                           I am assuming he still does.

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

Dentist, n.:
        A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth,
        pulls coins out of one's pockets.
                -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Thursday, August 21st, 2014

Golden Oldie




                     Wouldn't it be nice if the
                     wattage of a car stereo could
                     not exceed the IQ of the driver?

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

*
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me
The pot's at the other end.
                -- Bert Whitney

Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

Probably a Golden Oldie




         Use what talents you possess;
         the woods would be very silent
         if no birds sang there except
         those that sang best.
                   -Henry Van Dyke
                    Brainy Quote

Monday, August 18th, 2014

 As we express our gratitude,
     we must never forget that
     the highest appreciation,
     is not to utter words, but to live them.
                -John F. Kennedy
                 March Bits and Pieces

Friday, August 15th, 2014

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.
       Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling.
       Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.
                             -Henry Van Dyke
                              Brainy Quoted

Thursday, August 14th, 2014

*



                Time flies like an arrow
                Fruit flies like a banana

Wednesday, August 13th, 2014

  *
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries.  Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression.  In America we call it golf.

Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

   Time is too slow for those who wait,
       too swift for those who fear,
       too long for those who grieve,
       too short for those who rejoice,
       but for those who love, time is eternity.

                   -Henry Van Dyke
                    Brainy Quotes

Monday, August 11th, 2014

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
                -General Lewis B "Chesty" Puller, USMC
                 Submitted by Herr Kemper

Friday, August 8th, 2014

  Every one has a photographic memory.
         Some just don't have film.
                -Steven Wright
                 Submitted by Herr Kemper

Thursday, August 7th, 2014

Nothing is more like a wise man
         than a fool who holds his tongue.
                    -Francis de Sales
                     Submitted by Herr Kemper

Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Every man has his secret sorrows,
      which the world knows not; and
      oftentimes we call a man cold
      when he is only sad.
           -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)
            Quoted in A.W.A.D.
            Thursday, February 27, 2014

Tuesday, August 5th, 2014

  *



      A witty saying proves nothing,
      but saying something pointless
      gets people's attention.

Monday, August 4th, 2014

Golden Oldie



          May those that love us, love us;
             and those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts;
                and if He doesn't turn their hearts, may He turn their
                   ankles so we'll know them by their limping.
                                          -Old Irish Toast

Reminder FYI

This will be my last posting until Aug.  Have a great summer!

Friday, May 30th, 2014

Golden Oldie

     The man who rows the boat does not rock it.
                           -Irish Proverb

Wednesday, May 28th, 2014

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told,
     can do more to enlighten questions of politics,
     philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments.
                      -Isaac Asimov,
                       scientist and writer (1920-92)
                       Quoted in AWADmail Issue 610

Wednesday, May 28th, 2014

"Man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" ~~ Robert Browning




 Karie **Please share the inspiration by forwarding to friends and family.

Tuesday, May 27th, 2014

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking
        we used when we created them.
                -Albert Einstein
                 Quoted in City of Marble Falls
                 newsletter to the Council and Staff
                 Submitted by Herr Kemper

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

  Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
             Most of us have gears we never use.
                       -Charles M. Schulz

FYI

FYI - starting in June I will be taking a break for the summer. I will start back (hopefully)first part of Aug.

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

*



   Critic, n.:
        A person who boasts himself hard to please
        because nobody tries to please him.

                -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

*



     There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.
     Too bad it's not a fence.

Monday, May 19th, 2014

*



       For every complex problem,
       there is a solution that
       is simple, neat, and wrong.

              -H. L. Mencken

Friday, May 16th, 2014

  *
Colvard's Logical Premises:
        All probabilities are 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it
        won't.
Grelb's Commentary
        Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.

Thursday, May 15th, 2014

  What could possibly go wrong?
        Five words you should never say out loud.
                - Crankshaft comic strip by Batiuk and Ayers
                  Submitted by Herr Kemper

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

    *
Rule of Defactualization:
        Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

Tuesday, May 13th, 2014

*
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
                -- Will Rogers

Monday, May 12th, 2014

  *
Rules:
        (1)  The boss is always right.
        (2)  When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.

Friday, May 9th, 2014

*
God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.

Thursday, May 8th, 2014

 There are three things in life
       that people like to stare at: a
       flowing stream, a crackling fire
       and a Zamboni clearing the ice.
                  -Charlie Brown
                   Brainy Quote

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

All you need is love.
       But a little chocolate
       now and then doesn't hurt.
                   -Charles M. Schulz
                    Brainy Quote

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014

  Climate is what we expect,
          weather is what we get.
                   -Mark Twain

Monday, May 5th, 2014

 Never confuse motion with action.

               -Benjamin Franklin,
                statesman, author,
                and inventor (1706-1790)
                A.Word.A.Day 2Jan14

Friday, May 2nd, 2014

They say:
      "Why don't we agree to disagree?"
      They mean:
      "You're wrong, but I don't feel
      like fighting about it right now."
      Modified from 'A Day's Work'
      Reader's Digest Feb 2014

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

*
Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #41:

Q:  Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A:  By death.
Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?

Wednesday, April 30th, 2014

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
     but the parent of all the others.
               -Cicero, Roman orator and
                philosopher

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best,"
    and then he had to stop and think.
    Because although Eating Honey was
    a very good thing to do, there was a
    moment just before you began to eat it
    which was better than when you were,
    but he didn't know what it was called.

            -A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
             From Goodreads.com

Monday, April 28th, 2014

 President Reagan once asked the Air Force One pilot why
   he tried to land so close to the beginning of the runway.
   The pilot grinned and explained, "Mr. President, all
   pilots know you can't use the runway that's behind you."
                      Quoted in the Denison Forum Newsletter
                      Submitted by Herr Kemper

Friday, April 25th, 2014

 People say nothing is impossible,
     but I do nothing every day.
             -A.A. Milne,
              Winnie-the-Pooh
              From Goodreads.com

Thursday, April 24th, 2014

*



              I have made this letter longer than usual
              because I lack the time to make it shorter.

                                -Blaise Pascal

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014

*


     All I want is a warm bed and
     a kind word and unlimited power

                -Ashleigh Brilliant

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014

The high-minded man must care more for the truth
     than for what people think.

                -Aristotle, philosopher (384-322 BC)
                 Quoted in A.Word.A.Day Dec 17, 2013

Friday, April 18th, 2014

  *
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

Thursday, April 17th, 2014

*

    Schapiro's Explanation:
        The grass is always greener on the other side --
        but that's because they use more manure.

Wednesday, April 16th, 2014

*
Justice, n.:
        A decision in your favor.

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

*
There was a young lady from Hyde
Who ate a green apple and died.
        While her lover lamented
        The apple fermented
And made cider inside her inside.

Monday, April 14th, 2014

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
       Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

                       -Paraprosdokian
                        From the Internet
                        via Herr Kemper

Friday, April 11th, 2014

  *


             Democracy is a government
             where you can say what you think
             even if you don't think.

Thursday, April 10th, 2014

*
You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies echo.
                -- S. Rickly Christian

Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

*
Q:  How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
    Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of
    the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20%
    of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences
    of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every
                opportunity;
        an optimist sees the opportunity in every
                difficulty.
                        -Winston Churchill
                         Printed in Reader's Digest
                         Submitted by Herr Kemper

Monday, April 7th, 2014

Shared Sacrifice - "Usually used by a politician who
        wants other people to share in the sacrifice so he
        or she doesn't have to."
                        Lake Superior State University
                        2012 List of Banished Words
                            Printed in Reader's Digest
                            Submitted by Herr Kemper

Friday, April 4th, 2014

And a response from Lord Kimberly concening tftd and
    the thoughts in December.
    ... so it is now probably too late to do anything about
    what you have forgotten to do in 2013 -
    your only hope is that everyone will forget as well
    and you can start 2014 with a clean sheet ready
    for whatever new disasters might come your way.
                          -The Earl of Kimberley

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

 To be sure of hitting the target,
         Shoot first,
         And, whatever you hit,
         Call it the target.


                   -Ashleigh Brilliant
                    Submitted by Herr Kemper

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

(Suggestion for YOUR New Year's Resolutions)
                (Either because you are late or
                 have already broken the first ones.)

        I once listed all the good things I did over the past year,
        and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them.
        That was a good feeling.


                                      -Robert Fulghum

Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

What is the similarity between
          air traffic controllers and pilots?
          If a pilot messes up, the pilot dies;
          if an ATC messes up, ... The pilot dies.
                     -Air Force Sayings
                      Good Clean Funnies List

Monday, March 31st, 2014

*




        No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you!
        Consider the furniture!
                             -Sherlock Holmes

Friday, March 28th, 2014

Golden Oldie


            Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet.
                                     -Anon

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane
      you always have enough power left
      to get you to the scene of the crash.

                   -Air Force Sayings
                    The Good, Clean Funnies List

Tuesday, March 25th, 2014

*
   Snacktrek, n.:
        The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack,
        of constantly returning to the refrigerator in
        hopes that something new will have materialized.

                        -Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Monday, March 24th, 2014

Golden Oldie


                No good deed goes unpunished.
                         -Quoted by Jim Brunjes

Friday, March 21st, 2014

*
Jenkinson's Law:
        It won't work.

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

*




     The easiest way to figure the cost of living
     is to take your income and add ten percent.

Wednesday, March 19th, 2014

New opinions are always suspected,
     and usually opposed,
     without any other reason but
     because they are not already common.
                   -John Locke, philosopher
                   (1632-1704)
                   A.Word.A.Day 27Aug2013

Tuesday, March 18th, 2014

*


      Here's something to think about:
       How come you never see a headline like
       "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
                      -Jay Leno

Monday, March 17th, 2014

The only time you have too much fuel
            is when you're on fire.
                     -Air Force Sayings
                      GCFL 2Sept2013

Friday, March 14th, 2014

Anger is an acid that can do more harm
      to the vessel in which it is stored
      than to anything on which it is poured.
                    -Mark Twain
                     From Brainy Quotes

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Doing nothing is
      happiness for children
      and misery for old men.
             -Victor Hugo
              From Brainy Quotes
    But tftd is reminded of the wife who
    asked her husband (an old man)
    what he was going to do today,
    He said, "Nothing."
    "But that's what you did yesterday."
    "I didn't get finished."

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Blue water Navy truism:
    There are more planes in the ocean
    than submarines in the sky.

               -From an old carrier sailor
                GCFL 2Sept2013

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

*


            I don't mind what Congress does,
            as long as they don't do it in the
            streets and frighten the horses.

                        -Victor Hugo

Friday, March 7th, 2014

*



    You should never wear your best trousers
    when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

                      -Henrik Ibsen

Thursday, March 6th, 2014

 A sneer is the weapon of the weak.

                   -James Russell Lowell,
                    poet, editor, and diplomat (1819-1891)
                    A.Word.A.Day 15  Aug 2013

Wednesday, March 5th, 2014

*

         You are a very redundant person,
         that's what kind of person you are, redundant.

Monday, March 3rd, 2014

  *
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers

Friday, February 28th, 2014

*


  Grelb's Reminder:
        Eighty percent of all people
        consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Just because you do not take an
                interest in politics doesn't mean
                politics won't take an interest
                in you!
                         -Pericles (430 B.C.)
                          Submitted by one who previously
                          wished to remain anonymous.

Tuesday, February 25th, 2014

*
Xerox never comes up with anything original.

Monday, February 24th, 2014

Golden Oldie


       Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
       but most of them pick themselves up
       and hurry off as if nothing happened.
                 -Winston Churchill

Friday, February 21st, 2014

I contend that for a nation to try to
    tax itself into prosperity is like a
    man standing in a bucket and
    trying to lift himself up by the
    handle.
                -Winston Churchill
                 Submitted by one who previously
                 wished to remain anonymous.

Thursday, February 20th, 2014

  *
Vail's Second Axiom:
        The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
amount of work already completed.

Wednesday, February 19th, 2014

The ultimate result of shielding
      men from the effects of folly is
      to fill the world with fools.
            -Herbert Spencer , English
             Philosopher (1820-1903)
             Submitted by one who previously
             wished to remain anonymous.

Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

Golden Oldie



     The next meeting of "Who did it?, A Grammatically
     Correct Mystery Book Club" will be ....
                       -Meeting notice in the
                        Moby Dickens Bookstore
                        Taos, New Mexico

Monday, February 17th, 2014

  *
Spelling is a lossed art.

Friday, February 14th, 2014

If you don't read the newspaper
    you are uninformed, if you do
    read the newspaper you are
    misinformed.
              -Mark Twain
               Submitted by one who previously
               wished to remain anonymous.

Thursday, February 13th, 2014

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
    You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
                         -Naguib Mahfouz,
                          writer, Nobel laureate
                          (1911-2006)
                          Quoted in A.Word.A.Day
                          12 August 2013

Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

  *
Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no straight lines.
                -- R. Buckminster Fuller

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014

*


      If you think the United States has stood still,
      who built the largest shopping center in the world?

                            -Richard M. Nixon

Monday, February 10th, 2014

*
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
        Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some
useful work done.

Friday, February 7th, 2014

 In my many years I have come to the conclusion
   that one useless man is a shame. two is a law firm,
   and three or more is a congress.
                       -John Adams
                        Submitted by one who previously
                        wished to remain anonymous.

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

                                                                      *
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
        Murphy was an optimist.

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

*



      The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

                         -Andy Warhol

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

  Golden Oldie


   Ever notice....

        ... that what is sometimes said in an aside
                      is really an affront?

              -Marguertie Whitley May in
                _The Wall Street Journal_

Friday, January 31st, 2014

*
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
                -- Prof. Steiner

Thursday, January 30th, 2014

  *
Nobody said computers were going to be polite.

Wednesday, January 29th, 2014

  *
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

Tuesday, January 28th, 2014

Golden Oldie

                To err is human-
                But when the eraser wears out ahead
                of the pencil, you're overdoing it.
                             -J. Jenkins

Monday, January 27th, 2014

Golden Oldie



            It is especially hard to work for money you've
            already spent for something you didn't need.

Friday, January 24th ,2014

*
The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water.  Eager to show off this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned it to his master.
        "Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
        "Yes," said his friend,
        "I see that fool dog of yours can't swim."

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

*
The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
                -- Alan Perlis

Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014

If you think it's great to have lots of things,
          it's been too long since you've moved.
                         -Dawn Sundstrom
                          Missionary in Kandern,
                          Germany Area

Tuesday, January 21st, 2014

Golden Oldie


         Complaints -
              If you don't have a leg to stand on,
              it's best not to kick!

Monday, January 20th, 2014

Golden Oldie



            If you were going to shoot a mime,
            would you use a silencer-
                           -Steven Wright

Friday, January 17th, 2014

Men show their characters in nothing more clearly
      than in what they think laughable.
                  - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

  *
The Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
The First Law:  You can't get anything without working for it.
The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
The Third Law:  You can only break even at absolute zero.

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

Golden Oldie

              It is the triumph of reason to get
               on well with those who possess none.
                                -Voltaire

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

  *

     Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
                            -Fletcher Knebel

January 13th, 2014

  *
Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers:
        If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as
if he had lost his senses.  When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.

Friday, January 10th, 2014

*
Worst Response To A Crisis, 1985:
        From a readers' Q and A column in TV GUIDE: "If we get involved in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs damage my videotapes?"

Thursday, Jan 9th, 2014

When someone says, "That's a good question,"
      you can be sure it's a lot better than the
      answer you're going to get.

               Quoted in the Chicago Tribune,
               from RD, April 1982
               Reader's Digest July 2013
               Even RD has Golden Oldies

Wednesday, Jan 8th, 2014

Golden Oldie


   Art doesn't have to match the couch.
                -Penny Pennington
***************
  Thank goodness.  tftd is getting tired of the complaints
  that the Velvet Elvis clashes with the sofa.

Tuesday, Jan 7th, 2014

When one door closes, another opens,
         but we often look so long and so
         regretfully upon the closed door that we
         do not see the one which has opened
         for us.
                      -Alexander Graham Bell
                       Quoted by Councilmember
                       Kemper's City Manager in
                       his weekly report

Monday, Jan 6th, 2014

    *


      All I want is
      a warm bed and a kind word and
            unlimited power.

                -Ashleigh Brilliant